This one is gonna be all over the place. The past couple of days have been a real roller coaster.. Finding out that it was this weekend that Cappy is leaving, and me having to work. I didn't think I'd get to see her at all. But at the last minute Kevin was a doll and he let me switch with him so that I could see Cappy off. I seriously owe him one. I was supposed to open today.

Last night I drove to Fairfax and picked up Angelique before heading out to Hard Times where we met up with everyone else to have a few drinks. Lots and lots of pictures were taken on Cappy's camera. :) When it was closing time I dropped off Angelique and headed off to Kate's. This whole night was deja vu. The scramble to pack / getting things to fit and make it out the door.. All of it was just like last time. Very much a feeling of "here we go again."

Amanda, Kate and I went with her to Dulles. I gave Cappy one of my famous hugs before she went thru security, and we all watched her till we couldn't see her anymore before heading home.. but I don't think it's set in for me yet. Even with Kate bawling, like last time. There's nothing we could do though really, only Cappy could have fixed that. I'm not sure what is more heartbreaking. Seeing those two trying not to cry for each others sake, or seeing them fall apart when they break away. Even as emotional as it was I do think it was on a good note. I don't think she got on that plane holding any anger.

I was crying to Cappy on the phone a few nights ago because I didn't think I could get off work. The prospect then of upsetting her and not even having the chance to see her one last time seemed to affect me more in the moment then watching her fade away into the crowd.. possibly gone for good. The last time I didn't cry at the airport but ended up sobbing all the way home. It was the realization that I'm going home to nothing, away from everyone that I love (aside from family) was what finalized it then.

I punched the wall on the way to the car in frustration. Thats what I feel so far, just frustrated with this situation. I just want to hit stuff since I can't seem to physically react otherwise.. but I think some point soon I'm going to fall apart. I just don't know what the trigger is. All I thought about on the way home was that she's gone now.. I even wore a bunch of pink for her. It's her favorite color.

Cappy likes this song as well. Sometimes it's hard to stay mindful.