What does it mean to you to be authentic?

I love making the joke of always keeping it Riel, staying TRU(e), etc. I would like to hope that I never come off as being fake. I want people to be able to put their trust and faith in me and I want the same of others.

To me if anything a show of being authentic is the testament of all my friends that I have known for years and kept up with via the internet. I've been blessed with the fact that many times I've gone out on a limb and met some amazing people. I am happy that my parents have supported me in my adventures and I have been once again blessed that I have never had any scary encounters of meeting someone who was not what they portray in the virtual sense. I've known my people like Jason and Mike since I was 15 and I can't say that I could just as easily find that kind of resilience as easily now. Even with the distance between us it's one of the strongest bonds and I can't say that I've ever really found that in these recent years..

When did GAMEFAQS change it's layout? o.O

Damnit. It's too late to see my user info page say Stalked by.. It's more appropriate then Friend of..

Haruka IV: (He was afraid he'd done something wrong the night before you left)
Haruka IV: I told him it was just 'morning after sara.'
SaraLe: lol. good answer.
SaraLe: cuz he didnt.
SaraLe: well. you should of just said that's sara. not 'morning after sara' ^^;;;
Haruka IV: No. There's a difference.
Haruka IV: Because whenever you leave to go home, it's like we had sex the night before and you didn't have a cigarette to smoke and are feeling really guilty x_x
SaraLe: lol
Haruka IV: Nick really likes our group.
Haruka IV: He wants to hang out with us more often.
SaraLe: you know it's cuz i never want to go home, right?
SaraLe: I never feel guilty.
Haruka IV: I hope so... because sometimes I feel like I've done something or not enough so I feel like I have to be overly friendly when you leave...
SaraLe: that's why you're like that?
Haruka IV: Yeah...
Haruka IV: I LOVE "Night before-Sara" but "Morning after-Sara" makes me feel kinda bad..
SaraLe: god. sorry. it's not on purpose and has nothing to do wth you.
Haruka IV: I know and I appreciate you saying that.

I closed tonight. I hadn't planned on, but apparently I should of known. I had been in NoVA since Tuesday. Tuesday I got my new phone and saw Cathy, Mark and Daisy.

Tuesday I chilled with Daisy and we watched way too many cartoons before I finally decided to head out. I went to Starland to visit Chris. Reggie was working. He was like "I'm back, so you should come back too." And the sweet thing is that Chris agreed and said that I could be an Asst. Manager. I know that Adrise is one.. It feels really good knowing that if I ever made it back, that I automatically have a secure job waiting for me.

From there I met up with Eddie at TRU. Got introduced to Nick for the second time, then Eddie and I went to the new Best Buy at Tysons. It's got a nice layout. I mostly just wanted to see the setup of the store. The Borders next to it had the PSME manga vols. 1 and 2, but I've already ordered them online. TRU closed and we picked up Nick and headed to Sheldon's. I had no idea that Sheldon lived across from Peter Pan's, so to speak..

Sheldon, Eddie, Nick and I got drunk, while Marie was the smart one and stayed sober. But she had us pose for a drawing she needed to turn in, in the morning. Eddie missed out on being in it, but he took a picture of the process.. Boys do not know how to sit still.. Eventually we all went to sleep because Sheldon and Marie had to work in the morning. And btw Sheldon, Nick and I did not have sex.

I spent a good chunk of Thursday with Maram. It was reminiscent of our first days... Just driving around talking about any and every thing. Only it seems that Maram has grown very popular since then. Lot's of people have her number. When Dave got out of class the 3 of us had dinner at Sambo's. I had never been there. You think that I would order something different, something I haven't had, but I got bulgogi. I kept thinking Jackie's is better. (Not that Sambo's was bad, just that Jackie's will always be better. ^,^ ). The roads started getting really icy, so Maram took me back to Eddie's. She hung out for a bit and then left. We all decided that we would go the movies Friday.

Eddie and I went to pick up Nick at like midnight, in really bad ice, just so he could play SH3 with us. Eddie got to the point were he couldn't stay awake, so he went to bed. Nick and I decided to watch a movie.. I was going to put in Eddie's home movies, but Nick was against it. For Eddie's sake. So... we ended up watching Aladdin, but I conked out during it.

A few hours later Eddie wakes me up and says that the phone is for me. It's my dad telling me that I close, so I had to go home then... Not cool. I only thought that I had to open on Saturday, but it turns out I had to close tonight too (Friday). I didn't even get to hug Maram goodbye...

When I got to work I found out that the credit machines haven't been working all day.. They didn't work until I restarted them with computer support.. Not being able to use credit/debit cards, gift cards and having the rewards cards time out for every transaction is just crap. Everything was so slow and I swear most customers are not understanding at all. Kristin had a $1,600 till tonight and was $20 short. I refuse to think it was her fault, I am taking the blame/credit. We counted everything so many times. >,< And I have to be back there in a few hours to open.. yay.

Kristin's parents want her to go to MBC, she doesn't want to. She doesn't like MBC. And a bunch of students that rented tonight.. Strange how they seem to enter the store at different times, but majority seem to all leave the store at the same time..one after the other.. I didn't ring any up this time.. Well, I did get Grotjohn today, but anyways.. I guess some girls were rude.. and I comment that they were from MBC.. Kristin was like "Yeah see.. That's why I shouldn't go there.." I don't really think they were rude or anything but it made me laugh.

I have pictures on my phone of Kristin sitting inside the drop box. She sat in there and knocked on one of the doors from the inside... A little girl heard the knocking, went and opened it then ran back to her parents. "Daddy, there's a girl in there!!!!!!!" LOLOL

Oh and Kristin finished my scarf. I love it. ^_________________^

/ramble

I should really call YIM MIM or WIM. Because all I do is talk to Meridel. Meridel Instant Messenger.. Yeah.

OMFG. I have RESIDENT EVIL OUTBREAK to beta test. OMG OMG OMGOGMOGMSDGOIJGOISDGJIGHO:WS# THIUVLWYG

SONY LOVES ME THIS I KNOW.. They sent me a cd case in the mail for no reason too.

I got so fucked up Monday night. So drunk I probably should of had alcohol poisoning. This is how it happened. I had work at 4 right? I only had to go to the store meeting.. So that's technically from 4-5:30. And Jessi was closing. I didn't want to go home. So I stayed at blockbuster till about 8:30. We talked about Rachel, Georgia and Walter..

I get home and find an e-mail telling me to read my livejournal. There's this drunken post from Georgia directed only at me. Basically how things got awkward, and I said they wouldn't but they did ever since Saturday/Sunday (Party at Applebee's). And how she still loves and wants me. Saturday night I told her I love her, finally, and it was true. I do.. But I want it all. And we can't have it all. I tried to kiss her and it just didn't happen. It's like Wes and Cordy from season 3 of Buffy. I can't explain it any other way. At that point it just kind of died for me. And Georgia was trying to get me to compare her to Rachel. See, she read this post... I got very upset, totally pulled away and said "That's not fair!!! Do you really want me to answer?!!!" And things have been weird ever since, but I've always felt they've been weird. I can't leave anything alone, I just have fuck them up.

( Later Georgia posted this convo between her and Rachel. )

I'm sure everyone wants things back the way they were.. I should have never came back to Baldwin... I'm outside the bubble, but I hover so close to it that I am still considered part of it.. I'm the bad element that was introduced and destroyed everything. I would of never wasted Amy's time, or told Georgia how I felt about Amy.. I would of tried to pursue Rachel sooner. Or maybe not with the break and all. It was really stupid of me to think that anything we had would of lasted 3 weeks unchecked.. But if it had been sooner, and not just a week before break, maybe it would of been strong enough. Rachel said we'd probably still be ok if it weren't for the break. But she's with Tiffany now and I lose because I don't need to be nurtured, or fixed. Because I can't relate, having had a good family structure and all... So I can't love her.. No that's not true, she'll still let me love her, just I still can't have it all. But I don't want to settle. I'm gonna have faith. I can still make Rachel laugh and that makes me happy.

Back to Monday night.. There's the post and an IM from Georgia telling me to read it but I don't know what to say, and there was a voice mail from Rachel wanting to talk to me. And I'm thinking she really doesn't want to talk, she just wants to hear what's happened with Georgia and me. She kept pushing me to talk to Georgia and everything.. I don't want to blame her or anything. I have only myself to blame for everything.. I fixed myself a really strong margarita and called Rachel back. I was bitter on the phone, I know I was. She had no idea I was already drunk. Well I kept festering alone.. I was being petty in my mind. Why the hell would Georgia get drunk with Santana of all people? She knew what happened with me and Santana. But we're always so petty when it comes to the other people or lack of them in our lives. I can't be nice to Jacqueline, either so it's kind of even. But it's not like I'm nice to Jacqueline to spite Georgia, and Santana just happened to show up when she and Alyssa were getting drunk...

Well, after I finished my margarita, I decided to down a whole bottle of Southern Comfort in less than 10 minutes. I know I had some bitter words with Georgia online, just being petty again.. And then I called Jessi at work and talked to her and Will for awhile. They were talking about having Will come get me.. But that didn't happen.. I called them back a little bit later and we talked for a bit more. While I was on the phone with them I had put up a lovely away message.

"I just downed a whole bottle of Southe3rn Comfort. So I'm totally fucked up."

I passed out around 10 something. And woke up at 8:30 Tuesday morning. Without an alarm or my dad waking me up. I had to be at work at 9. I was still really drunk, so I took a shower and made my dad take me to work. Work was slow and hard, and there was so much I had to do, but I did poorly of course. I had the FOS done, but I didn't do the Debalts or Credits, or finish my paperwork before Mark got in.. I just kept pissing him off. Granted I was sober by the he showed up.. But I should of done so many things differently and he kept telling me. After he filed my paper work he said I get a C- and we should all be in our A game. I should of put Jennifer on register instead of myself so I could of freed myself up to work on what I needed to get done.. Oh I felt like such shit by the end of the night. I didn't get home till 5:30. I didn't even want to go to S.V.G.L.A. at the point, so I didn't. At home I finally found my cell phone mixed up in the sheets. There was a concerned message from Rachel. I scared her and Georgia the night before. By all accounts I think I should be dead right now, I only weigh about 140..

And there's this post that's also directed at me..

Rachel said she wanted me to come over, and so we agreed to 9:30.. I went to work because I wanted to buy Bring it On Again and some other random movies. I ended up getting a strange combination of being chewed out and praised by Mark for half an hour.. I got some food then went to see Rachel. I was a bit of a bitch and made her take the presents I got her, even though she didn't want them. Finally I said that I didn't want to go back to NoVA and MD to return them, so she took them. I gave it all to her... The card, the fairy and the claddagh. I put the claddagh in the envelope of the card, so she could basically ignore it, which is what she did.. I don't want them, but at the same time I couldn't throw any of it away. I wanted her to have them regardless. I hugged her pillow and tried to look everywhere but at her, because all I wanted to do was look at Rachel. But I can't. And then she hugged me for the presents.. She's still so soft and warm and smelled so good. I missed that.

Hi, Sara!
It is a nice surprise that I've come across you in the net.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Now, you're in official drinking age (?).
Stop by... You always will be welcomed by an old man.

Chris

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For once I actually am listening to Meridel and Kit's radio broadcast. It's cool. I made a request which they honored. They even bitched about my harassing them. Kit was playing Silent Hill 2 music and I said they were out of date.. So she played You're Not Here. ^_______^

But the neat thing about it is that I just setup a schedule that will automatically record the broadcast every week for me to listen to later. Bwahahah.

Hey. I've finally changed the layout of this journal. Eddie suggested Zoe from SSX and so that's what I did. Check it out. :)

Still have to tweak the Calendar and Day pages but recent entries and my friends page is DONE.

I am now in charge of 3 journals. This one, which is just me. (Sadly neglected half the time me thinks...) My Kennedy journal, which is like the new passion.. *laughs* And a new one that I took over from Eddie. See he got a code and made a journal for Nitroscopic Studios. Our Radio Drama gig... Cuz the bastard never updates the website, he figured that he would actually update the journal with "the latest news."

Well he wanted a different layout, but didn't know how to do anything, so he asked if I would. I agreed and took it from him. LOL. He wants me to revamp the website, but we'll see. I'd rather just work on the journals for now.

I feel good about my mad skillz, yo.

Eddie and I watched the end of Buffy tonight. I wasn't disappointed. We went to Walmart tonight, and they had BtVS for XBOX so I picked it up. I finally found it. Only $29.95, only for XBOX. :) I've been checking out the Gamefaqs message boards, and there's updates on Chao's Bleeds. This game is gonna rock. Must wait till August though.....

Here's a lowdown of all the fun stuff I found that you should check out, cuz you know you wanna.

( Article from SCIFI.COM, but I got it off a gamefaqs message board... )

Comic and Novelisation in the works.

New pictures from GAMESPOT
There's pictures of Buffy, Willow, Xander, Spike, Anya, Tara, Faith, and Sid... plus some character designs of MOW-types..

Meridel, you must give in! How can you say no to Spikey? ;)

E3 video from IGN. B, Spike, Xand and Faith in action.

I'm going to pick it up for XBOX, it'll be out for all 3 systems but I hear it will have DVD content so I'd stay away from the Cube if I were you....

I just have to break this down...... In multiplayer mode there will be up to 24 different playable characters. We know there's Buffy, Xander, Willow, Spike, Anya, Tara, Faith, Sid. According to sci-fi we've got Ripper, Kakistos, and Joss. I'm going to assume that Ethan would be playable. I wonder if they would make Giles in good old Tweed a separate character, or maybe they'll have different skins/costumes for the characters that you can choose. Sadly, I've heard that Glory will NOT be in it. ;-; ;-; ;-;

I would be very happy if these characters made it into the game: Dawn, Oz, Cordy, Wes, Kendra, Dru, Andrew, Mayor Wilkins, and Warren but only so I could flay him over and over again. >:} heheheh. But according to Chris Golden "Dawn is nowhere to be found." Dude, WTF, the game is supposedly season 5?!?!?!. Others that would be cool are the first Slayer, Adam, Jonathon (from Superstar though, lol). I'd be surprised to see any Potentials, or should I say Slayers, make it into the game. Ken would be cool though. Joyce and Jenny Calendar would rock too, but doesn't seem likely. Really, what kind of attacks would a techno pagan have? Give me a minute while I Google, (oh wait that's what Will does..) So not all of these characters could be in multiplayer but a cameo some how would be just as good.. And yes I am aware that I left out Riley. :P

Amber def is the voice of Tara, because she talked about doing the voice a long time ago way before I could even find anything on the game... Robin Sachs is doing the voice of Ethan. I am also assuming that everyone else will do the voices, because they did for the first one. Aly, Tony, Nicky, James, David and Charisma did voices for the first one. SMG and Mark Metcalf did not, although Giselle Loren and D.C. Douglas were great replacements. I know Sarah is not doing the voice in CB either, and I have no idea if the Master will be in CB or not.

My final rant is that I think that info about Tara being a vampire is off. Cuz one, she was shot, so there's NO way she could be a vamp unless they go in the route of "The Wish." But my main reason is that the character model of Tara is human looking, and very alive, non-vampirey dead like at all. Unless they actually have 2 versions of Tara, good and evil, but that seems like too much to allow for a lesbian character. ~,^ LMAO. Ok ok, bad joke... Anyways, Amber did agree to do the voice for the game when she declined to portray Tara as the First in Conversations with Dead People (hence we see Cassie instead)... And I know this is just a game, but if Amber is ok with whatever they do and Chris Golden is one of the main writers than I can't stress. Too much. lol

OK I've been "typing"/researching this for hours and I just found a good response to the Scifi article from Chris Golden regarding the game and Willow/Tara.

Chris Golden on Chaos Bleeds & Tara

Is it wrong to really get a kick out of Dena's away messages even though they have absolutely nothing to do with me? She's rarely OL to begin with......

I survived KatSNOWcon. ^_^ I'm at Cathy's right now, and I have 525 NEW e-mails. I will post about my con experience at a later time.

Edit: Only about 200 messages out of those 525 are worth reading.

I've decided to put my website back up. I have lots of updating to do on it, but you can at least go see the basic layout at http://www.geocities.com/unika2k1 The links are broken right now cuz I want to get the pages right before I just put it all up again.

I'm by the window in Wenger PC Lab room 401.. I just saw Lisi walk by outside as the Crow. ^_______________________________________^ Vinyl is always fun.

Today seems to be a good day.. I finally finished Shenmue, it uh took me about 2 years to do it though. ~,^ I think I'll wait to get Shenmue 2 on Xbox, but in the mean time I'll play Jay's.. lol. Dad and I went to Walmart today to buy Cathy a new printer. So we got that, and I got my new cordless phone (and a headset) so I'm all set, and I don't have to use dial-up anymore to connect to the internet because ADELPHA SEEMS TO OF FIXED THE LINE.. My cable works now.... so we get good signal, the upper channels, and powerlink!!!! Ydes!! I also got Dad to get me the rip-you-off XBOX mag just so I could get the DOA3 booster... Before heading home I went to Kline's for the first time... I got a chocolate milkshake, which was really good.. ^__^

There's still so much to say...( ::sigh:: )